sistercarrion: (mmm)
So.. I had a big blog entry planned, and I do have lots to say, but, well, basically to sum up..

I'm having another baby!


(Yes, that's why I've been quieter than normal these last few months.. I couldn't trust myself not to say anything! I'm 10 1/2 weeks gone, and I had my first scan on Tuesday, and everything is fine and dandy! Baby is due 15th September, 8 days before my birthday. We've been kinda' half-heartedly trying since mid last year, so it wasn't entirely unexpected, but the timing itself was a bit..'Wow!' :) I've been tapering off my meds, which added to the fibro/ pregnancy has wiped me out more than a little, but I'm getting there, slowly but surely. Jason has been an absolute star, bless him, and Nathan's delighted and fascinated in equal measure in all the ways a 6 year old boy can be:).)
sistercarrion: (sad trent)

Hellooo..

Well, I know I said I was back, but now I really am. I'm having umm.. filtering issues with using Twitter, shall we say? It's immediacy has it's plus points and minuses, and right now, it's become brutally clear that the minuses are outweighing the good, so I'm going to take a bit of a break. I'm going to be reading everything still, and there's DMs and e-mail and stuff if you need to get in touch, but..

*sighs*

Okay, other reasons Twitter doesn't seem to be working out right now for me, My memory has always been dodgy,  and I've really struggled with it over the years. It's the core of my OCD, that I'm terrified I'll forget everything if there isn't some record somewhere. At my worst this meant hoarding every single receipt, packaging box, wrapping, magazines everything. The OCD is mostly under control these days, but the urge to write stuff everywhere is still very much there.  But since the fibromyalgia, and medication for mental health issues, my spelling has really gone downhill, and my cognitive function is just completely zapped a lot of the time. I used to tutor GSCE students, completed a degree, organised gigs, DJed..  fuck. I worry so much that I'm never going to get it back, that it's lost forever in fog. Knowing that I know a word, and that I just can't 'reach' it is just so frustrating, and that's just the start.

Anyway, I'm rambling.. point is that over the last year, I've started the fun of struggling mentally with sentence structure too. Looking back on tweets where I've really fucked up what I wanted to say makes me feel mortified, and all you can do on Twitter is delete. Which is.. not good for me. I know that's part of the point of Twitter, and part of the joy of it, but at the moment that's causing me more stress than benefit, soo..

Also, I don't use IM as my hands cramp up, but also... I.. I'm terrified of saying stuff that I don't actually mean. I know that sounds utterly irrational and idiotic, but hey, mentally scewed thoughts here. And it looks like Twitter is proving difficult in a similiar vein. I like that on LJ I can filter and cut, edit if needed when I realise I've said something incorrectly. Twitter? It's just out there, and if you fuck up, there's fuck all you can do about it apart from apologise profusely.

So, I'm sucking it up and owning that I fucked up with spoilers on Twitter, and I apologise if you were affected. I think the sensible thing for me to do is to withdraw from Twitter a little, and come back here a bit more. I can take my time here, and relax a lot more about my writing, and not feel as anxious and paranoid as I do over there. And, well if I take my time to post, rather than rushing through a Tweet, I'm less likely to fuck it up. That's the theory anyway.

So, sorry again, and I love you all. Yes, even you.

xx


sistercarrion: (Fibro)

I *need* an acupuncturist, that much is becoming abundantly clear.

Without: My knees are heavily inflammed, my tennis elbow and golf elbow hurt more, rock hard tension across my shoulders and neck causes me horrible headaches, I have to take heavy-going painkillers yadda yadda yadda.

With: The inflammation goes down, visibly so. I'm able to do my physio when my joints feel stronger, get out and about more. Which in turn helps me lose weight, which in turn puts less pressure on my sorest joints. I don't have as intense headaches, migraines and dizziness.  All of which helps my mental health *massively*, and means I don't have to take as many painkillers. So, win win.

But.

NHS funding has meant I've already had two lots of 6 week courses for 'western style' acupuncture. I don't get any more than that. When it's been proven to work for me. *eye roll*

So. After asking the docs repeatedly, they couldn't give me the name of one single useful contact. Great huh? So, I've hit doctor internet. I've found somewhere local that seems to offer what I need (western style, aware of specific FMS requirements), and I'm going to call them this week. I just wanted to ask some help of you, my lovely friendslist. From those who've used private practitionists, what experiences have you had? What sorts of prices are 'good' value? Are there any specific questions I should ask of them? Are there even any schemes that would mean the NHS could cover the costs?

The whole prospect of sorting this out for myself is currently freaking me out a little. It's just such an unknown, and I don't want to get ripped off or.. having it done and feeling worse. I just couldn't.. g'ah. So yeah, halp?


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sistercarrion

April 2011

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